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:iconclariktheking: More from clariktheking


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Submitted on
January 21, 2013
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in the beginning there was nothing. the world was plain and young but the plant's grew. after some time two being's known as adam and eve came into the world and with them came light. and with light came darkness and brought a whole other world. this other world was not completely dark for where to light's and under those light's where he being clarik and anna the king and queen of shadow's. they where the shadows of adam and eve and adam and eve where their light. they at the time did not know of the other world existence and the only thing they did know of was fear for they where terrified of the darkness that surround's them and the only thing they found protection in was the two light's that float above them. but one day the light's started to flicker they started to panic not knowing what to do. until they got an idea they then buried the light's and they started to grow into two giant beautiful tree's with leave's made of light's. but they then died but more tree's started to grow clarik and anna realized that they created life from death they then realized that these light's created other people that started to "LONG LIVE THE KING LONG LIVE THE QUEEN". befuddled for a moment they then realized that they where cheering for them amazed they then realized that they needed to lead them and to make more tree's grow so they started building and organizing until the kingdom of shadow's was born.
this is a remake of clarik's and shaqie's past also this has nothing to do with religion I'm in fact atheist.
:iconimortal-night:
A fine story indeed, however you do have some mistakes. First off the names and sentence begginings should be capitalized.When the newly created shadows cheered for their creators they "started to "LONG LIVE THE KING..." started to what? An option would be "started to chant" or "started to cheer" or simply "started to say". You also might want to tell why exactly the lights were going out, I assumed it was when Adam and Eve were dying but you might have told the reader just in case they don't get it. In conclusion I think your story is excellent and very original there are just some minor errors that's all.
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